Post by deanw93 on Jun 30, 2011 19:20:52 GMT -5
Hi, my name is Dean im 17and im from scotland.
Im new to this site and ive started writing a novel of sorts.
For a long time now ive had an idea of a story Ive wanted to write but never relly knew what i wnted it to evlve into, I like Dark Fantasy novels but I'd be lying if i said i didn't enjoy a bit of romance every now and again.
Basically this is the kind of thng i would want to see in a novel but im having a lot of trouble tinking of a sraight plot, right now im just writing and seeing what happens along the way.
If anyone can give me sme advice or help as to how to improve my story i would be very greatfull. Below is the first chapter from my book, i know it's not perfect but i could really use some feedback and some advice as to how to develop it furher
Hope you enjoy!
*****
It was the wind which finally woke him – despite the pouring rain which bounced off his cheeks and the rhythm of thunder which beat down on his whole body it was the winds gentle breeze which echoed through his ears as if it were speaking to him.
Get up... the wind The wind itself was not cold or bitter, it was warm and surrounded him like a blanket, sheltering him from the town he lay across – at least he thought it was a town. He had no idea where he was, how he got there, and above all. Who he was. His mind was blank; his memories, non existent. He was a hollow shell in a canyon of rocks. He lay motionless on the cobbled stones listening to the sounds of the people who inhabited the pubs and brothels, and whatever God forsaken pit of existence which lay before him. Many passed by but no-one stopped to help; to them, he was just another drunk passed out on the streets.
“had a little to much to drink there son?” said a man in tattered clothing, with a woman around his arm he suspected to be his for one night only. Together they stood laughing at him, mocking his very existence.
His first instinct was to sweep his legs sending him face first into the ground, then twisting his arm until the shoulder popped out of it's socket; how he could do that he never understood, and why that was his first thought was all the more questionable. But no. He lay paralyzed on his back and watched as the man and woman robbed him of whatever he had left – as if he actually knew what he had that was worth stealing.
The wind was his only friend, it continued to speak but he stopped listening, instead he could only think. He thought his legs might be broken but he felt no pain, and no blood but slowly the feeling began to come back as though his body was numb. He could move his body now but he was still to weak to get up...
And then out of the corner of his eye he saw a man in a brown cloak kneeling down next to him, at first he thought it was the man who robbed him but he knelt down and brushed his hand across his arms.
“Can u feel that?” The cloaked man asked.
“Urshh.... ugh...” It was as though his vocal chords had been parallelized as well.
“Come on lets get you inside.” the man in the cloak lifted him up and rested his arm across his shoulders, he lead him forward across the street until the reached an inn, the anacrusis. The sound of the people of this town still darkened the streets, echoing through alleyways and burghs, chanting and singing there songs, reminding everyone that they are the scum of the Earth.
When they reached the inn the man in the cloak let down his hood where our fallen companion got a first look at his savior. He was tall and slender with short brown hair and thin traces of a bread that circled round his chin to his upper lip. He looked the same age as him, that is if he could remember his age – I can't even remember my own age?
He wrapped a towel around his new friend and asked, “Whats your name?”
There was no point in even trying to answer, even if he could speak he still had no idea who he was or what his name was, and trying to think of a false name would be unjust to the man who just saved his life. Instead he just stared blankly into the mans eyes focusing on regaining movement in his body. “Well I found you lying on the street, at first I thought you were just another drunk but then I saw that man rob you without even putting up a fight. In this town, even the drunks can still be fearsome. So I suspect you're not from around here are you?”
He nodded his head,
“And you hae no place to stay?”
And again.
“And I suspect that man took all the money you owned?”
And again.
“Well your welcome to stay here for now.” He took out his hand, “My name is Jacob.” The man just stared as his hand unable to move it. Jacob slowly put his own hand back to his sides. “...I'm sure you'll feel better in the morning" he said smilig poitley, "come on lets get you into a room.” Jacob helped him upstairs into his room, as he staggered up the stairs he looked across the main hall of the inn – everything was made of wood, from the walls to the staircase, the fireplace was a marble stone wall which burned logs and kept the whole place warm like the wind. He could not tell from the closed doors but he sensed an emptiness in the inn, as though he and Jacob were the only two in the whole building. And for some reason, that made him feel safer, knowing that there was no-one who could harm him any further. At least he thought that someone must have harmed him to be this way. His room was no different, wooden floors, doors and beds and completely empty. He fell on the bed instantly and slowly drifted off as though he were parallelized once more. Jacob blew the candle from the lantern and closed the door.
With no memories, all he could do was dream.
Im new to this site and ive started writing a novel of sorts.
For a long time now ive had an idea of a story Ive wanted to write but never relly knew what i wnted it to evlve into, I like Dark Fantasy novels but I'd be lying if i said i didn't enjoy a bit of romance every now and again.
Basically this is the kind of thng i would want to see in a novel but im having a lot of trouble tinking of a sraight plot, right now im just writing and seeing what happens along the way.
If anyone can give me sme advice or help as to how to improve my story i would be very greatfull. Below is the first chapter from my book, i know it's not perfect but i could really use some feedback and some advice as to how to develop it furher
Hope you enjoy!
*****
It was the wind which finally woke him – despite the pouring rain which bounced off his cheeks and the rhythm of thunder which beat down on his whole body it was the winds gentle breeze which echoed through his ears as if it were speaking to him.
Get up... the wind The wind itself was not cold or bitter, it was warm and surrounded him like a blanket, sheltering him from the town he lay across – at least he thought it was a town. He had no idea where he was, how he got there, and above all. Who he was. His mind was blank; his memories, non existent. He was a hollow shell in a canyon of rocks. He lay motionless on the cobbled stones listening to the sounds of the people who inhabited the pubs and brothels, and whatever God forsaken pit of existence which lay before him. Many passed by but no-one stopped to help; to them, he was just another drunk passed out on the streets.
“had a little to much to drink there son?” said a man in tattered clothing, with a woman around his arm he suspected to be his for one night only. Together they stood laughing at him, mocking his very existence.
His first instinct was to sweep his legs sending him face first into the ground, then twisting his arm until the shoulder popped out of it's socket; how he could do that he never understood, and why that was his first thought was all the more questionable. But no. He lay paralyzed on his back and watched as the man and woman robbed him of whatever he had left – as if he actually knew what he had that was worth stealing.
The wind was his only friend, it continued to speak but he stopped listening, instead he could only think. He thought his legs might be broken but he felt no pain, and no blood but slowly the feeling began to come back as though his body was numb. He could move his body now but he was still to weak to get up...
And then out of the corner of his eye he saw a man in a brown cloak kneeling down next to him, at first he thought it was the man who robbed him but he knelt down and brushed his hand across his arms.
“Can u feel that?” The cloaked man asked.
“Urshh.... ugh...” It was as though his vocal chords had been parallelized as well.
“Come on lets get you inside.” the man in the cloak lifted him up and rested his arm across his shoulders, he lead him forward across the street until the reached an inn, the anacrusis. The sound of the people of this town still darkened the streets, echoing through alleyways and burghs, chanting and singing there songs, reminding everyone that they are the scum of the Earth.
When they reached the inn the man in the cloak let down his hood where our fallen companion got a first look at his savior. He was tall and slender with short brown hair and thin traces of a bread that circled round his chin to his upper lip. He looked the same age as him, that is if he could remember his age – I can't even remember my own age?
He wrapped a towel around his new friend and asked, “Whats your name?”
There was no point in even trying to answer, even if he could speak he still had no idea who he was or what his name was, and trying to think of a false name would be unjust to the man who just saved his life. Instead he just stared blankly into the mans eyes focusing on regaining movement in his body. “Well I found you lying on the street, at first I thought you were just another drunk but then I saw that man rob you without even putting up a fight. In this town, even the drunks can still be fearsome. So I suspect you're not from around here are you?”
He nodded his head,
“And you hae no place to stay?”
And again.
“And I suspect that man took all the money you owned?”
And again.
“Well your welcome to stay here for now.” He took out his hand, “My name is Jacob.” The man just stared as his hand unable to move it. Jacob slowly put his own hand back to his sides. “...I'm sure you'll feel better in the morning" he said smilig poitley, "come on lets get you into a room.” Jacob helped him upstairs into his room, as he staggered up the stairs he looked across the main hall of the inn – everything was made of wood, from the walls to the staircase, the fireplace was a marble stone wall which burned logs and kept the whole place warm like the wind. He could not tell from the closed doors but he sensed an emptiness in the inn, as though he and Jacob were the only two in the whole building. And for some reason, that made him feel safer, knowing that there was no-one who could harm him any further. At least he thought that someone must have harmed him to be this way. His room was no different, wooden floors, doors and beds and completely empty. He fell on the bed instantly and slowly drifted off as though he were parallelized once more. Jacob blew the candle from the lantern and closed the door.
With no memories, all he could do was dream.